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Not when I was feeling so confused." It's OK, Mom. If you weren't ready, you shouldn't force it."She let out a frustrated sigh. "I should have gone, Brody! I should have gone and stayed all night and had sex with him! Maybe then I could stop feeling this way."Her sudden outburst surprised me. "Mom, it's OK to compare guys to Dad. You don't have to..." Stop." She said it firmly, so I obeyed. I wasn't sure what I said or what I did, but she sounded like MOM just then, so of course I obeyed. "Let me finish. I asked him to turn around and take me back to my car. I got out without a word and drove home."I waited, but after a few minutes of silence, I guessed she was done. "You don't have to do anything if you don't want to, Mom. If you aren't ready to have sex right now, you don't have to."She shook her head, which made her long hair tickle my nose. I tried not to sneeze."That's just it, sweetheart. I DO want to have sex; I desperately want to have sex. It's just that, whenever I try to. " "Yeah Sarge this is a mess wegot a dead body, African American male, late 20's, maybe 6'6"." Theylast thing I remember was screaming, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"I woke up in the hospital heavily sedated. Inga was there and she had alawyer with her. I started crying as soon as I saw her. She held me forwhat seemed like hours. Finally she said, "Sonya, the police want totalk to you." I nodded and they showed in the sergeant and another man."Mrs. Washington? We are so sorry for your loss. But we have a fewquestions." I nodded so they continued. "Did your husband have anyenemies?" I mentioned the fact that he told me once about doing timeand that he had made a deal. They showed me a photo of our bedroom wallwith the word NARC spray painted. They asked a few more questions andthen left. I got out of the hospital the next day. I went and stayedwith Inga because I just couldn't go back to the house. I went to thefuneral home. Reggie had been beaten with a baseball bat. They told methat what was left.
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